Wondering About Grace

It's amazing how much I can think. Overthinking's becoming more and more second nature to me, and I think we all know how that can be. Obsessing over every little thing, it's exhausting, and certainly doesn't bring honor to God. But, what do you do when your mind is going off on tangents? Remember Jesus. It's strange, and it's hard, but it's needed. Remember that He holds everything, and He's told us not to worry (Matt. 6:25, 32-34). I don't need to worry, it's not my place, not God's plan for me. He calls me to faith, and faith is the opposite of worry. Faith is trusting in God (Heb 11:1). Even so, faith is scary. I get all caught up in whether I have enough faith, is my faith big enough? What if I'm not doing it right? Again, I'm thinking about the wrong thing. My faith doesn't need to be big enough, all my faith needs to do is exist, Jesus does the rest. (Eph. 2:8-9) I'm slowly learning that it's Jesus...

I think everyone likes reassurance. I do, I look to others to reassure basically everything I do because I can be paralyzed with fear that I'm doing the wrong thing. And, while that can be a crutch, especially when I run to the reassurance of people, there is reassurance I have that comes from God, assurance I need. Sometimes it's nice to just read His truths, rely on Him, and to stop worrying, because He's got it all, and I don't need to have it all together. So here are some of the verses and passages I turn to when I need reassurance. Romans 8 - this whole chapter is wonderful, it's my sister's favorite chapter of the Bible, and I've been studying it for a long time. The first verse, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" combats so many of my fears and insecurities. Galatians 1:3-5 - these verses are the Gospel summed up, and it's beautiful to read. Galatians 1:6-7 - these ve...

This Thursday I turn eighteen.  Honestly, I haven't given it too much thought, but I know it's going to be new and hard. But, I've come across new and hard before, and I don't have to fall into all the same pits I've fallen into before. So, here's seventeen things I've learned/done during seventeen. 1. I don't need to get caught up in what I should feel, and I don't need to give those shoulds my time and energy 2. Understanding what's going on doesn't mean it's going to automatically get better. 3. My feelings don't have to control me, but the more I listen to them as truth, the more control I give them 4. I can laugh and have fun even when my feelings and confusing and weird 5. Life isn't about me. If I'm not happy/feeling great, it's okay 6. I really, really need Jesus 7. I have Jesus, and I don't need to be afraid that I don't 8. I'm not always right about what will make me happy ...

I keep finding myself in days that feel off. Everything discolored by this vague feeling of guilt. Because I don't know how to be happy with who I am when I'm not perfect, when I don't feel everything I think I should feel. Welcome to impossible standards. I hold myself to standards that are ridiculous. To always feel it. To  doubt the goodness anything that I might not have done with the right heart. To think that I always have to feel inadequate, anything else is pride. It's exhausting. And I'm not sure how to get out of it. How do I break free of my impossible standards? My drive for perfection? How do I live in joy, live in love, not in a quest for perfection? ~*~ Here when the healing hasn't happened yet. We all know those songs. Those lines that we feel in some deep parts of ourselves, we might not know why those words mean so much to us, but we know they do. And for me, Ellie Holcomb holds some of those lines in ...

I live in days of ups and downs. And, the funny thing is, my life isn't really hard. The to-do list for most days is science, Bible time, writing, and maybe a chore or two. Most days I don't have much I have to do. Most of it's things I've decided to do. And today I'm tired. Tired and confused about what to do with tired. It's been a pattern lately. This feeling of being tired. Tired of trying to feel everything. Of doing everything. Tired of thinking about big, important things. Tired of struggles. Tired of small talk with my family. Tired of writing. I think tired has a lot to do with me. With when I think I have to do it all, not God. I think tired comes in when I put all the pressure on me. Because, I want to write the perfect novel. I want today's blog post to be the right  blog post. I want to be perfect. And trying to be perfect is exhausting. In this moment of tired and irritated, of "I tried, and I don't feel like I succeede...

You know those days. The days where you switch between wanting to do everything and wanting to do nothing. Starting projects and never finishing them. Not wanting to do what you want to do. Those days when I'm tired of feeling, wanting this blog post to be the right  blog post, but, how do I do that? I'm having one of those days. Moody. Tired. Indecisive. And I can throw myself into some activity and manage to scrounge up some energy, but the hole of tiredness still lurks under the surface. I never like these days. Dreary. Indecisive days. Nothing much to do. Except the things I want to do, which I don't actually want to do. Where is God on these days? Because, I'm tired of hearing those messages of how I'm loved and not believing them. I can say I'm forgiven and work up the emotion, but I'm tired. I'm wondering, today, if maybe it's not about working up the emotion. Maybe it's about not snapping at people just because you...