Tired, Trying, and Rest

I live in days of ups and downs.

And, the funny thing is, my life isn't really hard. The to-do list for most days is science, Bible time, writing, and maybe a chore or two. Most days I don't have much I have to do. Most of it's things I've decided to do.

And today I'm tired. Tired and confused about what to do with tired.

It's been a pattern lately. This feeling of being tired. Tired of trying to feel everything. Of doing everything. Tired of thinking about big, important things. Tired of struggles. Tired of small talk with my family. Tired of writing.

I think tired has a lot to do with me. With when I think I have to do it all, not God. I think tired comes in when I put all the pressure on me. Because, I want to write the perfect novel. I want today's blog post to be the right blog post. I want to be perfect.

And trying to be perfect is exhausting.

In this moment of tired and irritated, of "I tried, and I don't feel like I succeeded", I don't even want to think about God. Because God is full of big things, and I'm tired of thinking about big things.

I. That's an important word there. I think a lot of things. I feel a lot of things.

But God doesn't say that I have to feel inspired to write. That I have to feel happy to act happy. God doesn't say I have to dwell on big things all the time. He says He's got this, I just need to trust Him. God says that He gives rest.

I think some of that rest comes in recognizing that I cannot be perfect, He is my perfection. He will show Himself through my flaws, I don't need to hide them, and I don't need to flaunt them. Rest comes in recognizing my sin, confessing it, and then trusting that God's got it.

Rest comes when I recognize that I can't change myself. The heart changes that God calls for, that I feel like I need to have, those are God's job. Not mine. My job is to follow God, to love God and others and to do my best to live life in His grace.

His grace gives rest. His grace says that when I make mistakes it's not the end of the world. Grace says my unworthiness doesn't stop God. Grace says to look to Him for my righteousness, not to me.

I think rest looks different than I paint it to be a lot of the time. I think of rest as watching tv and doing whatever I want to do. And, I won't say that's not a part of rest, but there's a lot of rest in coming to God and accepting His rest. Accepting the truth that I don't have to do it all, but He will guide me. To let my mind be at rest in God.

So let's try to accept grace today, and find rest in God's control when we've been trying to do it all ourselves. Recognize that the burden is no longer yours to carry, but you are free. It is God who will work through you, who will give you rest. And, it's good to take that rest and be refreshed by a God who seems too good to be true.

~ Rebecca P.