Fear

Fear.

Fear is a dangerous thing. It makes our mouths close and our hands grip too tight. It makes us look for danger in harmless places. It wreck havoc on our bodies, and tries to take over our relationships.

Fear tells us that there is something dangerous out there, and we need to be on the watch for it. Constantly.

Fear will grip us tight and never let go.

Fear will lie to us.

And, much too often, we will let fear in. We will listen to his lies, and we will follow his instructions.

And we think that following fear will make things better. Will make us better. Somehow we believe that we're better off living in fear. Maybe we think that giving into the fear now will help us not be fearful later.

Spoiler alert; fear has a lot of things in mind, but our good isn't one of them.

~~~

I've found myself living in fear. A giant in my life, lying to me and telling me that I'll never be good enough. Telling me that if I'm not good enough, God won't love me. Telling me that He already doesn't like me.

And this fear, this terrible need to be perfect, to be enough, to get God to like me, it paints God as someone awful.

Fear tells me God doesn't love me because I'm not good enough. It tells me that I need to be perfect next time, and then it laughs and tells me I never will.

Fear keeps me monitoring everything, trying to make sure I don't accidentally sin.

Fear's got a big foothold, and it gets me wondering if all this is even worth it. Fear tells me that I'll never be free.

Simply put, fear tells me that God doesn't love me, more than that, that God dislikes me, and that if I'm not careful He's going to punish me.

I think we can all agree that that's bad. And, all of us who have lived under fear's threats know that we don't want it.

But, we also have a lot of trouble believing we can get rid of it. That we can really live in freedom and grace.

And, if we were on our own, we might never be free. Our story might end there, with fear behind the wheel.

But God.

~~~

But God tells us a different story.

He tells us that He is able. He is able in every situation, and He has complete authority. He has called us to live in freedom (Gal 5:1), and He has assured us that He finishes what He starts (Phil 1:6).

He tells us that we are forgiven (Col 3:13). He tells us there is no condemnation for us (Rom 8:1).

He tells us about His grace (Eph 2:8-9). His grace, it gives us what we don't deserve. Grace gives me what I don't deserve when I'm obsessing over my failures, and grace gives me what I don't deserve when I live in freedom. Grace tells me that I don't get to make the final call, and there's freedom in that.

"There'll be days I lose the battle, grace says it doesn't matter." 

MercyMe puts it so well in their song, Greater.

Just, imagine that. Imagine a God who's really that loving, who doesn't dwell on our failures, who frees us from that need to be perfect, but instead tells us to live in grace and love. To go out and be free and trust that He will guide us and He will tell us if we're going the wrong way.

What if we didn't have to guide ourselves? What if I didn't have to listen to fear and anxiety and try to use them to stop me from going the wrong way?

That would be beautiful. That would be grace.

And, when I see all that, when I see grace, and when I get a glimpse of who God really is, things make a little more sense. When I remember that God is love (1Jn 4:16), and love is patient and kind (1Cor 13:4), that's when fear loses a little ground.

I'll end in a Bob Goff quote, "Insecurity wants us to keep track of our failures, grace doesn't even write them down." Because that seems a lot like freedom, and a lot like God.

~ Rebecca P.