Wondering About Grace

I got up early today. And, while I was waiting for seven ten to roll around, sitting on my bed, reading a book and feeling anxious and guilty my dad popped his head in the open doorway and told me he’s proud of me. Of how I’m growing in Jesus. And I realize, now, at seven forty at night after a day where I tried not to be anxious and didn’t know how and questions have run around and I’ve searched and I’m just not sure how to find, I realize now how I don’t listen to those things. I don’t let myself realize how I’ve grown. I think because I struggle I’m bad. Because I struggle I don’t get to be proud of my accomplishes. I don’t feel very proud of myself. And I think because I feel something it’s true. I think because I feel anxious and doubting that I can’t be happy. That I can’t smile, that I can’t enjoy good music. I think that I can’t do anything except struggle with my concept of God. I almost said struggle with God, but I know it’s not G

I don't think it was more than a month ago that I thought maybe I should start a blog. It was a random idea, something that popped in, I'd read blogs, and, a long time ago, started one or two, but this was a different idea. Not a journal. A journey. To share struggles, a place to talk and to be honest. Somewhere the deep poetry that comes in struggles can find a home. It feels right, it's something that might not be just my idea, I think it might have been God who put it in my head. Maybe I spent that last year writing thoughts, feelings, ideas, and daily plans in a word document so that I'd be ready to write them in a blog this year. ~*~ But, what's this blog about? What do I intend to write in it? My Christian journey, my wonderings and realizations about grace, about how life is lived with Christ. And, ways that hopefully my struggles and realizations can help you, because I feel this urge to share, to help other people going through wh