My City, a Poem



I’ve been building myself a city
A city of accomplishment
A city of schedules
A city of success
A city of answers

This city of mine
It’s full to the brim with everything you need
It has walls stronger than Jericho
Walls to keep everyone out
Unless I open the gates

But 
Whenever anyone knocks
I remember the Trojan horse
And I keep those gates shut
Because it might be a trap
What looks beautiful might end up ruining me
So I keep my Jericho walls up
Building them with whatever I can find
And I don’t see
That this city I’m building
Isn’t much of a city after all
The only thing real about it
Are the walls that keep everyone out

These walls
They hurt me
And when I really see them
I want them to come down
But I don’t know how to make it happen

Within this city
I dig, and I dig for answers
All in this city
All by myself
And as I get closer and closer
I see
That what I’m uncovering isn’t the solution
It’s just a bigger picture of the problem
So I stare at it
Trying to see some way around it
Then I hastily shove some dirt over it
Because I’ve found something
But it’s something big and something bad

I don’t have the answers I thought I’d find
I assumed there was gold under my city
But I’ve found that I’ve been pouring something else under my concrete
It reeks of guilt
And every glance fills me with shame

So I stare at some new spot
That I have yet to dig up
Place all my hopes there
And run over with my shovels
Because I need those answers
The gold that I think lies under my city

My city
It’s a lonely place
My city confuses me
I don’t know why I’m so alone
And I do
And I don’t have the answers
To explain or to treat it

I don’t know how to tear down these walls
I don’t know how to be in a city without running it

But
No matter where I dig
Nowhere in me will be enough

So, God, come dig in me
You will find the gold You put there

My city is a desolate place
But You
You can tear down the walls
And build me up better than before

I don’t have to be all alone in my city
Because someone came
And camped outside
Called to me
That this city
This city I've invested everything into
Isn't the only thing
That there is a bigger city
The city of a king

~ Rebecca P.

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